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Old 05-26-2012, 11:44 AM
northhome northhome is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Western Europe
Posts: 197
Default Experience versus opinion

Originally Posted by BaggagePatrol View Post
quickly came to the realization that you were a woman operating largely from a research/opinion perspective, who had very little actual poly relationship experience.
I co-wrote a book a couple of years ago on the subject of non-traditional relationships. During the research phase I spoke with hundreds of people. Although my sample was not large enough to be statistically accurate, I feel confident in saying that for every person/couple actually in a polyamorous relationship there are at least four considering it. This of course will vary greatly in different cultures and societies. My sample were university educated, western europeans.

What was striking to me was that the people who were considering poly had much stronger dogmatic views across the board than those with actual experience. It almost seems as if people need to create a strong rational argument to help them take the leap to explore what, ultimately, can be quite a risky undertaking. Once they've gone through the first year or so I noticed a distinct mellowing in very many people.

Here's a thought: what if everyone tagged their posts in such a way that one could see if what they were saying was based on real experience versus conjecture and ideas? Not that there is anything wrong with ideas, but personally I find that narratives based on real experience are more useful when it comes to navigating the poly maze.

(Disclosure: I'm in a triad for 3 years now. We think it works - we're happy which I guess is what really counts)

Last edited by northhome; 05-26-2012 at 11:47 AM.
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