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Old 05-26-2012, 06:02 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,705

I am missing Mono tonight. I think that he has been devoured by his computer and the numerous projects he involves himself in so as to some how see his way to finishing his job in December. Some presence would not go amiss right now. Thankfully I am getting a lot of attention elsewhere, but its not making up for the fact that I feel a bit neglected by him. Odd that he is the mono one of the bunch, yet I feel neglected by him! you'd think it would be another.

I wonder sometimes if my loves feel neglected. They never say they do, but I wonder if they do. I see it in their eyes sometimes. I realize that I can only do so much, but I can't help thinking that "if only" I were able to be there more, if only I didn't have to work, if only I had more energy, if only I could be everything they want me to be. It causes me some guilt at times, but really, I can do nothing but trust that if what we have is not working that they will say so and go about finding what they need. The way I look at it is that I would rather spend really good quality time with them than lots of semi-good quality time with them. To me that is more than I could hope for if we have a good time, get a chat in and leave feeling like we both are nurtured in some way by each others love.

PN said tonight something about loving presence being enough sometimes. We had a date like that tonight. I think that can be true, but I don't know if it is enough... I am struggling to trust that right now.
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