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Old 05-26-2012, 03:55 AM
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
Posts: 718

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Yes, I re-read your post and saw that you did not mention swinging. So, it looks like some incorrect assumptions were made and open was lumped together with swinging, in how Mr. FFR expressed his views. Still, I didn't think he was referring specifically to you with the other stuff (after saying you brought it up)... but now I am even more confused. I guess we'll find out next time he logs in.
First off, apologies to Mya for my apparent bunching together of open sex and swinging. I'm sometimes in a bit of a rush when here on the board - or connected to Internet in general - and compact concepts. What I should have written was: "There are some - as Mya was the first on this thread to point out - who mix a bit of not-emotionally-committed sex with a bit of poly; and there are others are on this board who mix a bit of swinging with a bit of poly (and for me the two ARE definitely different)." I'm sorry that my being lazy about typing that out caused upset. But when you write that
And when you say I mix "swinging" with "a bit of poly" that makes it sound like I'm only a bit poly, but not really.
I have to reply that it's you who are [unintentionally] bending what I wrote. I DIDN'T write that you 'mix "swinging" with "a bit of poly" '. I'll admit that I shouldn't have appeared to aim the description I DID use at you, but you've misquoted the description. It wasn't 'mix "swinging" with "a bit of poly" ', it was 'mix "a bit of swinging" with "a bit of poly" '. This may seem like hair-splitting on my part, but you accuse me of weighting that description as if there's more swinging than poly, and I never did that. Compare the 2 sentences "I'm Scottish with a bit of Welsh" and "I'm a bit of Scottish and a bit of Welsh", and you'll agree they have different meanings.

I insist on my right to differentiate between "couple relationship + not-emotionally-committed sex" and "poly". Both of these, as well as swinging, are examples of open relationships. I wouldn't consider a relationship based on "You can have sex with whoever you want as long as you don't get emotionally involved" as poly. And Mya has made clear that her situation IS poly. The personal choice to have non-emotional sexual relationships is a PERSONAL one: not one imposed by a partner.

Final point. As to whether I'm being condescending.
You know, when you say things like "if they need to talk about issues to do with the loveless-sex aspects of their whole poly-friendly existence, I think that's fair enough", you sound quite condescending.
Would you have preferred "I have no problem with that"? Just what's your objection? This thread was started by someone apparently worried by a slide towards a bias on sex issues as opposed to emotional ones. This board is a forum, an interchange. We bring our problems here hoping for support or at least understanding and acceptance. What I meant to say was that - in my opinion, and as my contribution to this topic - it's "fair enough" for anybody to bring up non-poly aspects of their life for general consideration and/or comment/advice. What's condescending about that?
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