Thank you all for your thoughts
To answer some questions:
I was taking Paxil (for anxiety) and Wellbutrin (for depression). The Paxil is what killed what little libido was left. I went off the Paxil, stayed on Wellbutrin, though a very low dose. Sex drive came back, but so did the anxiety.
I do sympathize with my husband and the fact that I have turned his world upside down. I feel terribly guilty about that. Yes, we did start swinging to attain that "sexual charge" so we could bring the energy back into our own bedroom. It worked fantastically, until I developed feelings for a guy that I played with. That's where the wheels came off the cart, so to speak. We had not discussed the possibility of emotional envolvement much, as we were just approaching swinging for recreational sex. However, what I didn't expect is that I'd "connect" with another person on an emotional level so quickly. My husband and I both understand now, that swinging to put a "patch" on our sex life was a terrible idea. We jumped in too quickly, and are now paying the price.
As far as whether or not I think I'm poly........at this point I'm pretty sure. I have been encouraging my husband to find a girlfriend for more than 5 years, as I knew I wasn't fufilling his sexual needs and it wasn't fair for him to "go without". He had no interest in doing this. He is sweet, caring and very attractive, but I don't think he believes this about himself and he does have a severe lack of confidence. Maybe that's why he never went through with it.
After doing a LOT of reading and soul searching, I have come to the conclusion that I need a poly relationship in order to be emotionally and sexually fufilled. My husband may choose to stay mono (which I understand complicates matters and makes jealousy more difficult to manage), but I need him to "open the door to the cage" and let me be free to love another person. If he can do that, I think we have hope. But I know that's asking a lot of him too.
He has joined this site and has posted on a few threads, looking for support and encouragement. I am sure he will find lots of thoughtful, caring people here who have been in his shoes.