I could come up with a lot of other family scenarios where staying married did or didn't work out. Each child has a personality that could potentially make bad decisions regardless of their family background. Most families have one or more of these types. Psychology tells us that personalities are formed early and risk taking behavior has a lot to do with personality type. This doesn't make the parents not responsible for how they raise their children.
I had a situation where a guy I was having flirtatious conversation with who was still married to his HS sweetheart didn't end up working out for us, but she found our conversations on Facebook. She read them and was upset at him for it and she asked to speak with me. I shared with her all about my choice to live a poly life and directed her to my blog so she can see why I would be open to considering a married person at all.
She was very cordial and shared some things I had not been aware of according to her perspective. We remain friends and she and her husband have a renewed sense of attraction for one another since she found he was exploring other options. They both wanted to save their marriage. I believe at that point they were hoping I could solve all their problems by having a relationship with them both. But my husband was not attracted to her and her husband turned out to be extremely bothered by the idea of her enjoying sex with another man anyway.
Long story short....she didn't get a meat cleaver and come to destroy me or my life. She didn't want to destroy her husbands life either. They talk to me periodically about how things are going in their relationship and in the bedroom. I feel a little awkward that I couldn't tell them why my husband had no interest in her because she was already feeling insecure for putting on a lot of weight since HS.
But i digress, I feel like my experience has sometimes been a pretty positive one, even if things didn't work out in the end. Sometimes it is a moment where the person doesn't have anything he is lying about. We hadn't even seen each other in person. He was able to then explain WHY he had been motivated to look elsewhere. They were able to hash it out and move in a positive direction.
In this case I felt like i left them in better shape than I found them. It wasn't even planned like that. It's not even my goal to work on someones wife to help them be a better wife initially. But I do feel like my blog is written more for the female in the relationship so she can ask herself and her man the questions she needs to in order to find out if poly or open is right for them. And in this case they decided it is not. I stepped out of the picture and I don't believe she sees her husband as a liar.
In a literal sense, I am not attracted to liars. But I am attracted to people who might lie about something in order to protect someone else. I am attracted to human beings and they are prone to not being 100% like me. They might do things I don't even have to consider doing in my own relationship. I have enough things I feel like I am judged about so I try not to dish it out and lump all people who have lied into a category of being liars when presented with anything that is difficult that they have found a path of least resistance.
Me: 32, bi, female, married 14 years to R.
R: 33, hetero male who is polyfriendly, NSA friendly under the right circumstances.
S: The child R and I have together.
Neither have found the partner(s) we would like to merge villages with. In the meantime we are exploring our collective sexuality to find a frequency that feels right.
Last edited by mrspolyamorous; 05-25-2012 at 06:57 AM.