Originally Posted by Alexandra
Thank you Marcelo, this is useful food for thought.
After the drubbing I received earlier, I am now chary of giving any more information.
However, I can say that it has helped to clarify some of my thinking and experience.
I will say this: T has not said to me 'I'm not greedy or needy about your time, energy or attentions.' He has consistently demonstrated it by his behaviour.
Wow, sorry that it felt like a drubbing. I didn't mean to pry. I do hope his circumstances will be conducive to his idyllic-sounding willingness to accommodate your situation.
Because, although most comments focused on your relationship with your husband, I presume that your relationship with T is equally important to you, and has its own internal dynamics which are also significant.
In my own experience, though my secondary and I are both married, she feels under-appreciated by her husband, whereas my wife is very loving and I really have no complaints. Even this minor asymmetry has led to some insecurities, deriving from her wondering, 'Do I need him more than he needs me?' My answer to her is 'no,' but at a distance, it can be easy to misinterpret and imagine otherwise.