First, I'm so, so, sorry that you're in the situation you're in.
Second, I echo the previous posters: YES, go to counseling. But it just may be that the counseling makes you more aware of and stronger in yourself. It may not "stop" your feelings of being poly (I don't even know if that's possible) and it may not fix your marriage either. You can't fix it alone.
Third, I find these two statements at odds:
Originally Posted by TraciJO
he makes it clear that he loves me - adores me, in fact. He is a fantastic huband and father - couldn't ask for better. Our family life is about as good as you can get - I have no reason to be unhappy......I should be happy.....
It finally exploded today in an email from my husband who told me that I am selfish, and a horrible mother and wife if I am putting MY needs before those of my husband and children. How could I do this to him? To my family? How could I destroy their lives and be ok with that?
That sure doesn't sound like someone who adores you and is a fantastic husband. You might as well say HE'S selfish and a horrible husband for putting HIS needs ahead of yours. And for writing all of that in an email
. How very mature. (I don't know what on earth your children's needs have to do with this, or how he thinks it would destroy their lives. I think he needs to follow through with his statement that'd he try to understand and work with you and do some serious reading about successful poly parenting.)
I wish you the best of luck. I think you already know the answer to your question- you had 10 years of experience in not getting everything you needed from your marriage. Were you happy?