The line that most stuck out for me is this:
I'm a mono husband whose wife discovered polyamory after years of marriage. While I could sort of grasp the idea of polyamory, the actual practice of it freaked me out. (That's gotten better.) However, her statement:
Originally Posted by william
She said she would rather have me cheat and her not know, but that deeply goes against my morals.
worries me because it sounds like someone who finds polyamory fundamentally "wrong" to the point where lying and cheating is a better alternative. ???? If they are THAT opposed to the IDEA, I highly doubt they will ever be comfortable with the practice. Normally, I'd suggest trying to discuss just the idea of polyamory to see if perhaps she might understand how it's better than cheating, if nothing else. But if this has just become an LDR, it might be a really bad time. So you may have to table this for a (long?) while (permanently?) or decide that polyamory is essential and end your monogamous relationship.
Just my opinion.