Re: the example in which someone cheats because their spouse has a debilitating disease and they need to fulfill their sexual needs... no, that doesn't make it okay to me at all. I think that would be pretty awful, to be going behind your spouse's back because you don't want to hurt them but just have to have sex with someone. Really? Ugh.
I've fought, and won, against cancer. If I had been married at that time and ever learned my husband went behind my back to get his "needs" fulfilled during such a horrible and difficult time our marriage would be over. Having gone through an illness like that I can't even imagine I'd have the desire to cheat, let alone much time for my sanctioned secondary relationship, if my husband was fighting against a disease, I'd be way too busy taking care of him and spending all the time with him I could in case he passed, I wouldn't be worried about how often I got laid.
The cheating on a disease-fighting spouse angle aside... I didn't really give any explanation on my answer earlier so here is a bit more.
The dishonesty/lying issues aside, I don't know how I could be in a relationship with someone but hidden from their spouse. Does that mean I could never go over to their house? I imagine scheduling dates would be difficult, since it would have to be in time that the spouse would be "unaware". It sounds like a logisitical nightmare. Toss back in the dishonesty angle, and I would never be able to enjoy any of those stolen moments. And, if this fictional person is willing to be dishonest to their other partner about me, what are they being dishonest about with me? Cause I'm not dumb enough to think I'm magically the only one who wouldn't be lied to or about or etc.
I know not all marriages are fantastic and some people are in really crummy situations but IMHO if you are making the decision to stay married, then there is NEVER any excuse, reason, justification or whatever you'd like to call it, to cheat.
"This, too, is sacred."
I am my own primary.
Me: F, 30's, bi.
Sadist: my fwb. M, 30's.
Pandora: Sadist's gf. F, 30's.
Last edited by GreenMom; 05-24-2012 at 09:18 PM.