I didn't read all the other posts, just the original one, so here's my take:
I have been married to a charismatic Christian man for the last seven years. Though he let his license lapse, he is still an ordained minister of the Full Gospel persuasion.
We live a very egalitarian lifestyle, but if there is a decision to be made he gets the ultimate say. I agreed to that before we married, btw, and I agreed because I can be somewhat flighty when it comes to having to make a serious decision. It is better for us that he be the decision maker in those instances. Now, if I can give him compelling, logical reasons why we shouldn't do something we don't do it. He relies on me for my discernment.
Bear takes his vow to "cherish" me /very/ seriously. Cherish meaning to "continuously pursue the mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being of another".
That said, I had a really horrible experience with my first husband many, many moons ago (we've been divorced since '96). He reconnected with an old friend that belonged to a particular "leg" of Amway that considered themselves to be Christian. Every last one of those men counseled him that he basically had to get me under this thumb. Under their tutelage he decided that he needed to control every aspect of me--what I wore, where I shopped, what I read, what I watched, what I listened to, what my hobbies were, who I was friends with, how much I saw my family---EVERYTHING.
There is a reason why he's my EX husband, kwim?
So while there are those men who are Christians, who live by trying to reach the example that Jesus set of always acting out of love, there are those that see the teachings of Paul as license to be Lord and Master of their little domains. THEY are the reason that all Christian men get painted with the repressive/controlling brush. Thankfully, not all of them are like that. If they were I would not have married Bear..
Just my .02, hope it helps.
Pinky, 41, f, bi. Married to Bear, 42, m, straight.
Not dating anyone right now.
I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.--EAP