Thanks to you as well Jenny, getting this much support is great.
I feel … strange. Yes, that's mainly it. I told my father. I am kind of flashed by his reaction. He knew that there has to be 'something' since I first visited Lin, he said. “You wouldn't travel this far without a reason.” I am scared to trust this peaceful ending. It's too good to last after all the things that happened with my mother. There's something in the wind, I don't know if it is positive or negative. If he really keeps his cool like that, the outcome can only be positive, maybe even influencing my mother in a way. If he suffers the same development like her, hell will break loose during the upcoming days. Too scared to be happy right now.
I talked with my mother this morning. The estimation that she may have been too shocked to notice what she said in which way seems to fit. I asked her if she wants to be present during the talk with my father. She wanted to go out with the dog. (She was convinced that he would be outraged.) After some silent seconds she asked me if there may have been a misunderstanding during our last talk. I asked why. She said, that she never wanted us to move away, but that she wished that the situation would be like that as it would make things easier for her. Play on semantics kind of, still meaning the same to me but I get that she didn't mean it like I perceived it.
I tried to explain that I just came over because I was worried how she may feel and to check if everything was OK, she felt interrogated and pressed to discuss the issue. “You always want to discuss everything endlessly. I don't work like that. You caught me in the worst possible moment.” She simply needs time, she says. Lots of it. I said that's fine and that I won't talk to her about this topic anymore and she agreed that it would be the best to wait till she has reached the stage where she would be able to joke about it. I doubt that she noticed how hurtful most of her comments were, but I delayed this. It won't do us any good to discuss the personal level and accusations that were talked about. She isn't able to cope with this at the moment and I am not that stingy and heartless to pressure her with something like that. Her concept of the world was severely altered, she will simply need the time she asked for. And that's OK, I needed lots of it as well back then.
I am so, so, sooo hoping that my father is really coping this well. I am astonished that he was so calm and nonchalant about it. He wasn't shocked, not hyper like my mother when I told her, not careful like my sister, he just said that we would have to live with this and that I shouldn't neglect my studies and that we should make sure that this works out. (With a little smile
)“Do what makes you happy.” How can parents be this different and especially, how can one be this surprised by them and judge them so wrongly. All of us thought that my father would be the one having the biggest problems adjusting to everything. Right now it seems that my mother is the one, who will have the hardest time.
Really curious what the week will bring for us. As I said, too scared to hope for the best.