Mono but secretly wanting to be poly...
I am married with two kids and in a traditional monogamous marriage. I have never believed in monogamy and sort of fell into this marriage for the wrong reasons. We have been married now for 2 1/2 years and have grown to love each other, but our relationship has been anything but easy. We constantly fight and hate most things about each other but we have great times too and love each others quacky personalities. A problem we have now is that i never want to have sex I'm not attracted to him and i just never am in the mood, but when i see other men i can just imagine what it would be like in bed with them. I know our relationship is horrible for our kids the way it is so, i either need to get out of my marriage despite my love for my husband and not having any resources to support myself and kids, or begin a poly marriage. The dilemma here is that the closest conversation to anything poly we have ever talked about is joking about bringing girls home. I believe my husband will leave me if he knows that i want to be able to be with whoever whenever and want him to be able to do the same. I need advice before i loose my mind.