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Old 05-24-2012, 04:12 PM
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samines samines is offline
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Location: (Mountain-y, western) NC.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BaggagePatrol View Post
A couple of random thoughts that I had after reading more of your thread...

I understand that you're super into this couple, and that's a fantastic experience in itself already. I'm just wondering if you're aware of how many couples there are out there that would bend over backwards just to take you out on a date - did you know that you're called a "unicorn" in poly terminology? Just thought it might be worth mentioning, as so far it seems like both of your serious attractions have been to couples, and meeting a couple that has no authority over you, or responsibility (other than to treat you with love/respect, of course) over your life might be a more plausible set up to pursue relationship without societal encumbrances looming over your potential love. I definitely can see that now may not the time for this, as you've developed feelings for this particular couple, but I do think that it's worth mentioning as food for thought.
Yeah, I've actually been looking online for someones... I have an okcupid account, there's actually quite a few unicorn-seekers on there but none that have caught my attention yet... I posted on here in the dating forum but only heard from one couple... I've joined a local poly group- everyone there seems to be much older, but I figured I could make friends and out of the mysterious 400+ members that don't post much, maybe I'd meet someone to date- but I haven't managed to get to any of the meet-ups yet.

The problem is, if I don't have an immediate attraction to someone, I pretty much never will. Especially with online dating, where everything is out there to start out- it's not that I really know someone, but I know enough to say I'm not attracted to them- and then I've tried chatting with a few couples, but the attraction doesn't grow. So I'm still waiting to see if someone does pop up to catch my eye, but in the meantime... this has happened.


The other thing is, a lot of couples looking for "unicorns" are new to poly, which isn't necessarily bad, but a huge percentage of them seem to have unrealistic expectations. They want to "add a person to their relationship"... like, they're not looking for me, they're just looking for a girlfriend, and I could be that if I wanted! Or acting as if it's one three-person relationship, rather than consider that it's a bunch of two-person relationships mixed together... I'm still looking, but it's more than a bit off-putting.

And my attraction to A and E- it's not just a crush on some nice people- I like the way they raise their kids, I like their garden and how they eat lots of veggies, I like that they share a lot of things without the gender stereotypes... my life would fit really well with their lives, I think. And of course that's not a foundation for a relationship, but it is a really good hint that it could work.

Quote:
Another thought I had was: If the three of you end up pursuing a relationship with each other, and it grows serious, do you think that you would be willing to change schools to protect A's professional status? I totally blanked on what km pointed out: He's already married, so said form would probably not do a lot of good. Sorry for not putting 2 and 2 together in regards to that/giving you false hope. This is kind of putting the cart before the horse, but it might be worth giving some thought to.
It's actually a community college, so that would be no-problem. I should be transferring by this time next year. Now, going to a different college over this year? Very inconvenient but I'd definitely be open to trying to work it out.

EDIT: Oh and I forgot to type this at first, but... I'd still be interested in finding that form. It seems like a good thing to know about, even if the extra-marital part throws us for a loop.

Quote:
I can totally understand the fear of rejection, but I also think that there is a lot of power in having all the information, and the only way to have that information is to be honest and communicate your feelings to them.
Yes... first thing, I kinda would rather talk to them in person. Even though that could make it more scary/embarrassing/awkward, it seems like email would be a sort of cop-out... and, like I posted somewhere in my above musings: everything just seems to make more sense when I'm around them. The more time/space distance there is, the more I over-think things and lose track of the actual people involved.

Second- it still feels like I'm waiting for something. I dunno quite what...
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Last edited by samines; 05-24-2012 at 04:20 PM.
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