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Old 05-24-2012, 04:05 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,368

Glad if our comments were helpful in any way!

Originally Posted by Tdh17 View Post
... it has come to my attention that I am an outlet for her so to speak. It just seems like she is some what bored in her marriage and I am the outlet for her to escape to every now and then. I guess in a way we are both using each other for something, so I can not complain.
I don't know that "using each other" is a very positive perspective - you can "provide" her an outlet and an escape, you can "add" excitement to her life without necessarily being "used." I have great sex with my boyfriend regularly, my husband isn't interested in having sex as often as I am. Am I "using" my boyfriend for sex? Or am I sharing a great sexual experience with someone I love for our mutual satisfaction?

Originally Posted by Tdh17 View Post
I will take this as an experience and learn from it.
This is a good idea from any perspective - our experiences, good and bad, can shape who we are (and who we want to be in the future). Learning about ourselves and other people is part of the journey of life.

Originally Posted by Tdh17 View Post
Hopefully one day I meet a girl that's just for me.
If this is what you really want then it is a good thing for you to know about yourself. I would point out, though, that if your ultimate goal is monogamy with another girl then, ethically, it would be a good idea that you are upfront with this with your current partner(s) and future potential partners. So, for instance, letting your married gf know that if/when you find your "one true love" you will be ending your relationship with her.

Some people may be fine with being a temporary part of your life while you are looking for your "permanent" love but others may choose to not be involved with someone if there is no chance that the relationship will become long-term. When I started my relationship with Dude, I assumed that, because he was single, it was going to be a limited-time thing until he found his "real girl". I held back my feelings because I didn't want to be crushed when he, inevitably, moved on. Turns out my assumption was unwarranted, he was open, from the beginning to let our relationship evolve in whatever direction it took, he wasn't looking to "move on". So talking about intentions and possibilities can help avoid assumptions and miscommunication.

I don't know if any of this is helpful but your post sparked some thoughts for me...

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (23+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (4+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi married female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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