- Yes, the fact that he already knew her, and had for a long time was a big part of why it was more acceptable. She's a friend, if not my
friend, yet. He already has some kind of relationship with her, so it wasn't as if he just saw someone, thought they were interesting or pretty or whatever and wanted to bring her home.
I don't believe it has opened the door. At least not for me. I'd prefer we stayed a twosome 'til the day we died. However, I don't believe in absolutes. So I can't say that if he broached subject later, with someone else as the third, I would outright say no. Should he do that, though, we'd have to have a conversation, I think, about his
stand on poly in general. If he wants to open this marriage up to any candidate that he takes an interest in, I don't know as I'd be quite as okay with it.
- I said in one of my early posts that the title was a poor choice. I waffled when I chose it between "Teacher & Protector", "Adding a third" and staring at a blank screen. In retrospect, "Adding a third" would have been a much better choice.
We're not assuming we know "know whats best" for her, we simply want to offer her another avenue. G told her his feelings, let her know she had a third option other than Keep Working On It or Singlehood.
I didn't say anything initially about what C wants or thinks, because I don't know her. I haven't talked to her beyond a couple of texts. This was just an idea mainly between myself and G. We're of the type to try and get things clear between us before we really move in a direction. Obviously, he had to come to me with it before he went to her and fully discussed it. If I had said no, that would've been the end of the discussion. Why ever let her know?
I came here during that phase. During the "I have an idea" phase. As I've said before, we would have had a thorough conversation (many, I'm sure) with C, prior to actually doing this. If at any point, she said, I don't feel comfortable with this - done. Subject dropped. She's not a child or a pet, we're aware of that.
- We weren't saying she had to come now. That too would be something ironed out in the details. It was just to let her know, there's an option. His timing could have been better, sure, but he's never very good at hiding something he feels. He is a cards on the table, kind of person. I rarely have to wonder what he thinks about something, he's usually already said it either by words or body language.
"Trying to influence her perception about what is best for her is another"
If there has been any manipulation, or influence in any direction, it has been for C to see if she can't work things out with her boyfriend. That's what she wants right now. Also that relationship, as well as her feelings on it, would have to come to a resolution of sorts before we come into the picture anyway. We certainly wouldn't advocate her bailing on that one to come be with us. How would that speak to any issues the three of us might have? What lesson have we taught ourselves there? Things get rough, jump ship?
Nope. She's got to play this one out.
Right now, they're communicating. A little, which is progress from where they were. He took her to dinner last night rather than logging on to his game, so I'm hoping they had a chance for a good conversation.
- Np. Though I wish I'd have done a better job of it to start with. We could have spent less time worrying about what might happen with C and how she feels, when she's not even really involved yet, and more time dealing with what I'm feeling.
Wow. That sounded narcissistic. But essentially, thats what I came here for help with.