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Old 05-24-2012, 06:34 AM
dragonflysky dragonflysky is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 211

My late $.02 for what it may or may not be worth. The part in this thread that grabbed my attention immediately (in a negative manner) were the two words used in the title of this thread, "Teacher & Protector". For me, it's rather condescending to assume another adult needs a "teacher and protector".

One might love someone and believe they have experiences/information that the other person needs to or might benefit from learning. One might love someone and have feelings that the other person needs to be "protected". But nowhere in the discussion of why the husband wanted to bring this woman into their lives did I hear that this other woman had told this guy that she felt she needed him to teach her something, or that she needed him to protect her. I got a sense of unhealthy relationship dynamics involving co-dependency and poor boundaries.....where the husband likes and needs to be needed, and "just knows what's best" for this other woman while not bothering to check it out with her. This to me implies a rather unequal relationship dynamic, where one considers oneself superior to the other in terms of assuming they know what's best for another person. More of a "parent-child" dynamic....a "teacher-student" dynamic. This also came out when it was stated that it wouldn't have been ok if the husband had just wanted to bring a "girlfriend" into the relationship. It was only under consideration because this poor, unfortunate younger woman deserved and needed a teacher and protector!! (What the heck??!!)

It's at this point that I started to have some "creepy" feelings about the potential for a "predatory" type of relationship..."predatory" in terms of there being a perceived power differential between two people. This "power" could take the form of someone having....or assuming they have... more knowledge, possessions, etc. than the other person involved in the relationship, and using that "power" to try and benefit him/herself. It doesn't matter if they were also trying to benefit the other person. This is not true love or healthy love in my book!! It's a set up for potential emotional, physical, spiritual, etc., manipulation and abuse.

If another adult ever ASSUMED without asking me that I needed them to "teach" me something or that I needed to be "protected" (Unless I was totally medically incompetent/incapable of communicating my wants/needs clearly) I would be very upset with them. I certainly wouldn't perceive it as a healthy type of "love" and would definitely question their motive(s).

Last edited by dragonflysky; 05-24-2012 at 06:56 AM.
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