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Old 05-24-2012, 03:00 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
But if I'm reading someone's blog and I'm seeing things that I think are problematic...... do I mention it and risk starting a fraught discussion in what's supposed to be their safe space? Or do I just let it go until they explicitly ask for feedback? At what point am I being helpful and at what point am I just being a stalker-y zealot seeking a trace of transgression so that I can jump from behind the bushes and yell "You're doing it wrong!!!!!"
My thought on this bit specifically: Why not send a PM? A thoughtful message that says, "I found myself concerned about some things I read in your blog, here they are and my reasons why," will probably at least get read. The poster then has the option to ignore the PM or respond as they choose, and are less likely to be put on the defensive. A post on their public blog is more likely to make someone feel the need to support or defend whatever they originally posted.

Originally Posted by mostlyclueless View Post
In my limited experience here, it seems like there are many people coming in and asking the same questions and making the same mistakes that have been brought up time and time again. So the old-timers roll their eyes, tell them to search the tags, and often give a written slap on the wrist for the obvious mistakes made.

And of course they do. It's annoying to have to explain the same shit over and over.
How about if those old-timers just take a break, then, instead of lashing out or being so obviously annoyed with people who are honestly trying to figure out something really off their beaten path? No one's required to respond to any of the Poly Relationship Corner threads.

I can see in some cases where a suggestion to do a tag search really is helpful, but the other side of that coin is that people don't come here JUST to read about other people's situations. They come here (generally) to talk out their own problems and to get advice that is more specific to them. It's human nature. Again, if people don't want to participate that's fine, they aren't required to respond. But talking down to the OP isn't the solution.

(Annabel, thanks for starting this thread)

(AT, it may be a gross misrepresentation for the forums in general, but for the threads specific to unicorn-hunting/forming a triad from a 2+1 situation? Not that far off the mark, at least in the last few months. And taking into account PinkDragon's obvious sarcasm for dramatic effect!)
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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