Please go see a marriage councilor! I'm not sure there's anything left for YOU to say. He is twisting things around to make himself look like a victim. You have said before that he is very concerned about outward "appearances", it sounds like what your mom said triggered something that sent him into self pity mode. I've had this happen, where I'm perfectly fine with a situation until a family member said "doesn't ______ bother you?". So now I'm thinking it should bother me and I start feeling sorry for myself. Not a good plan, and now that I recognize it, I take steps to avoid that little pity party trigger.
I gave up long time ago repeating some of the stupid bs my mom spouts, it just rarely turns out well.