I have read enough on this forum to know that what we (me, Bear, and Lovely) are trying is fraught with issues. However, we set up a date to go out on before any of us ventured onto a poly site. And I'm the only one that ventured. Sure, I'm telling Bear about what I'm reading, and I told Lovely about the site, but I'm the only one that's gathering information about the poly lifestyle first hand.
What would you have me do? Tell Lovely, "Oh, I'm sorry, we're going to have to cancel our triad date and you're going to have to choose one of us to go out with because the folks over at polyamory.com say that a triad relationship isn't going to work. EVER."
That would be rather cruel. She is looking forward to going on a date with US, not just one of us. Maybe it totally won't work. But I really don't see why. There are people that engage in polygamy where the wives are involved with each other as well as with the husband. There are group marriages. I would think that if there's anything that's not going to work that it's a group marriage. At some point isn't someone going to wonder who fathered what child?
So, while I really appreciate that you guys are trying to keep newbies like myself from making a horrible, heart-breaking mistake, I'm afraid that it's a mistake I'm just going to have to make. (Not saying that this post was aimed at me, but I wanted to weigh in on it).
And, I realize that for people like me the thought is that I shouldn't limit myself to just one situation or just one gender. If I was a lesbian would you tell me that I need to be open to a relationship with a man? Probably not. I really, truly do not want to have a relationship with any man other than my husband. I guess I just don't like guys that much. Honestly, if something were to happen to my Bear, I'd never get involved with another man. He's one of a kind.
Before you decide that I feel like I'm being attacked, I don't. But this is my opinion. Maybe we'll all go out and she won't like either of us. Maybe we'll try swinging instead, seems there are less rules for that.
Pinky, 41, f, bi. Married to Bear, 42, m, straight.
Not dating anyone right now.
I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.--EAP