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Old 05-23-2012, 10:08 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,414

Maybe wording the goal as "finding satisfaction and comfort" in being alone is more accurate than "liking" it. I think it is hugely beneficial to be able to find that satisfaction in aloneness; otherwise we are always looking for someone or something to fill that place instead of just being comfortable alone with ourselves.

This video has been been shared in these forums before, but I think it's appropriate now: How To Be Alone

Bu I want to point out a distinction to the OP. Passionflower, when someone suggested you live on your own and said that it is important that we learn to be happy with ourselves, you responded with: "As far as being on my own, it seems to me there are very few people who actually want and plan to live life without partners or lovers. I know I can be on my own, and I will be okay. I know that if I leave I have to acknowledge that this may be my life. But if I knew for sure I would be alone for the rest of my life would I choose to leave? No. What we have is better than not being with anyone. "

That struck me as a very all-or-nothing viewpoint. If someone said to me that I should learn to be on my own, I don't interpret being on my own as being alone and without partners or lovers. No one is saying to go off the grid and live like a hermit in a cabin deep in the woods. It is just that your marriage does not seem to be a nurturing thing for you and you would rather be with people or in situations that aren't good for you just to stave off loneliness, rather than to leave and discover how to create a satisfying life for yourself -- and then have people in your life who add to it in uplifting, healing ways and support you in being who you are.

So, I just wanted to point that out because your view about having to be alone and with nobody in your life is such a stark contrast with what I think of as being on your own.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory:

Last edited by nycindie; 05-23-2012 at 10:10 PM.
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