Civilized Bullying Continues.
I have witnessed some serious "civilized bullying" on this forum over the past few months. For me personally, I come to this board to get clear about how I feel, not to get clear about how other people feel about my situation - I have found the people that help me find my own truth, and those who hinder me from finding it with their own agendas and judgements/self righteousness.
I feel really sad that PossiblyPoly came on here looking for support and hoping to find clarity in her own life, and instead has left feeling attacked, judged and ganged up on. Head over to Reddit Poly, PossiblyPoly - there is a lot of good support there and I find the general atmosphere less intense for newbies.
Everyone is certainly entitled to their opinion, but I guess the question is this; is it helping, or hurting someone else to make negative and self righteous assumptions and accusations about their personal life? The only people who really know what is going on in a relationship are the people in it - everyone else is on the outside, looking at it from their own perspectives, and quite possibly projecting all manner of personal issues and assumptions all over the issue and people involved at hand.
The irony, for me, lies in the fact that certain people seem to be running to "rescue" this 23 year old woman who you've never even met - assuming you know what is right for her, "protecting her" from PossiblyPoly and her husband's "evil plans" for her. You are putting yourself in the very position that you seem to be judging PossiblyPoly for by assuming you know what is right for another human being of consenting age. It's kind of hilarious, really.
I agree with ThatGirl- take what helps you, and leave what/who hurts you behind. You have to develop a tough skin on this board, and be ready to duck and dodge totally random shit at times (been there!) Don't let people bully you away from your own path, your own truth, and your own progress towards poly (if that's the path you end up choosing). You'll find your way, have lots of love in your heart to give, and have valid questions and concerns to break down and find your own truths in; there's not other alternative for thoughtful, respectful, loving human beings, and from what I can tell you and your hubby have all three qualities in spades.
Hugs, PossiblyPoly, and sorry that your first experience on this board has been the shits!