Breaking Up is Hard to Do.
My best breakup I ever had was with my fiance. We had already decided to end the relationship, and were living as room mates with the odd familiarity encounter during the final days of being together. The night before he moved out was our official "break up" night, and I will never forget it. We bought a bottle of wine to share, and sat on the couch, reminiscing about our relationship - the good things that we brought into each other's lives, how we grew as people when we were together, some of our favourite memories including us falling in love, some of the lessons that we learned by being together. We spoke of all the qualities that we loved in each other.
We didn't focus on the reasons that we were breaking up - those had already been gone over in the context of our relationship breaking down. We just focused on the ways that we had brought joy, happiness and change for the better into each other's lives. We were affectionate with each other - hand on a shoulder while talking, holding hands at some point, and I took off my ring with him touching me.
We drank wine, went in the hot tub and shared a lot of laughs and closeness. The amount of respect that we had for each other never diminished, and it felt like a very gentle ending to a very loving relationship. No drama, no tears shed aside from "Wow, this is powerful, and I'll always love you in my own way" kind of thing.
The worst/most anticlimactic breakups I've had were with people who weren't capable of bringing that kind of respect to the table, and were focused on why we didn't work. I don't find that super helpful or empowering in general - I prefer to take lessons that can change my life for the better, instead of reasons why two people don't belong together to be rehashed over.
I think that how someone chooses to break up with others does speak of someone's character and level of emotional maturity. People who aren't capable of treating another person with dignity and respect during a break up have emotional work to do - but I don't think that it would keep me from dating someone necessarily. Sometimes someone has to use the wrong muscles and hurt themselves before they learn how to do heavy lifting properly - I know that Sync learned a lot from her crappy break up style with us, and I think that it has changed her for the better in her own life, and that she'll approach the issue differently in the future. Sometimes we bring out the worst in each other as well, so I think that all parties have to accept some level of responsibility in a breakup gone awry, and find their own lessons to carry forward.
Last edited by CherryBlossomGirl; 05-23-2012 at 06:35 PM.