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Old 05-23-2012, 06:03 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 651

Thanks for this. I know you are right, but it's hard to keep it at an intellectual level right now. As I knew that things are just messy at the moment and nothing good will come out of talking, I already refused to talk to anyone about it yesterday evening (my sister invited me to come talk to her if I feel the need to) and decided to wait some days. Things said till everyone calmed down can only be hurtful in this situation.

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I think, once she has calmed down a bit, it will do her good for Sward to go and talk to her, very gently and compassionately, to reassure her that he is happy and that you three consider each other a family. He should tell her that it was his choice as much as yours to live the way you do. I think that will soften her.
That's what the three of us discussed as well. I hope that she will be able to listen. As she is right now she would expect me to have some creepy mind-controlling abilities, sending him over to tell her what I want her and him to believe I still can't believe that my mother can be like that.

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
2.) Regarding the appearance in your community, I think all you have to do is remind her, "Have you ever seen us do anything to bring you shame in front of your friends? Have we ever conducted ourselves in any undignified or disrespectful way? Have you ever seen us do something that you need to worry about? We are still the same people who love you and care about you, and the fact that we have an unconventional life does not change that."
She knows this. I know that she does, but it doesn't matter right now. All the same that she knows that Sward is a great guy. I don't know how long this will take to normalize again. I understand what she is getting at as well. There has been a situation where my skirt was criticized because it was too short some years ago. They didn't talk to me, they talked to my mother and she felt looked down on because she couldn't influence me better to be more like the others are.

I know as well that those aren't my friends. Those persons are a circle that I don't come in contact with that often. And I know that those people are of some importance for her. I am sorry that we will be a problematic topic there for her to face from time to time. But I don't think that this will happen often. But the frequency doesn't matter right now as well. *sigh* We will see.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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