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Old 11-29-2009, 05:41 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
The "divide" you speak of is one we choose to build - or not. You do. I don't think everyone else may. That's ok.
The divide is one based on what's going on. It's not only theoretical, it's practical.

My point was that (if we even agreed) that "swinging" was "all about sex" as you say, that there's a good chance that that's what the participants "think" it is - for lack of sufficient self analysis. And through that gateway they MAY discover more. More about their own true nature & desires. That the "sex" - although maybe some small part - was NOT what that "pull" really was at all ! At the root of it was a desire for some deeper connection they felt they needed.
It matters not what secret desire draws somebody to begin swinging. The actions are what matter. If they're taking sexual partners without intent of building a romantic relationship, they're swinging. They might also subconsciously have a desire to pursue additional romantic ties--and that's irrelevant to what they actually DO. If that desire exhibits as swinging, it's still swinging.

And, even if they do pursue additional romantic ties--poly behavior--if they also pursue just sex, where they're pursuing just sex is still swinging, where the pursuit of the relationships is still poly. Poly does not become swinging, and swinging does not become poly, just because some people do both.

It's quite less-than-useful to conflate the actor with the act or to conflate the motivation with the act.

But I think your analogy i.e. golf, comes up short too. A better one might be between swimming and a triathlon

If you'd like, I can offer up distance throwing (just sex) as a disc sport (nonmonogamy) and contrast it with ultimate, which involves a good deal more than just throwing (sex as part of a relationship).

There are folks who do both. That doesn't mean that distance throwing and ulty are the same thing. Some folks may even do distance throwing when what they really want to do is play ulty. That doesn't make distance throwing ulty nor those who only throw for distance ulty players. The distance throwers may even study ulty and learn all about it. Until they actually play ulty, though, they're not ulty players. And even if they do begin to play ulty, when they're in a distance throwing competition, they're not playing ulty. So, while both sports involve throwing a disc (nonmonogamy), they are not the same thing under any circumstances.
When speaking of various forms of ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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