Originally Posted by SNeacail
Is this how he went about getting you to marry him. "Hey baby, your boyfriends an ass. Dump the clown, move in with me and I'll show you how it's done!"
Sorry, but it should take years before everyone moves in together.
Actually, you may have hit something there.
We did meet a few months before I ended an engagement. We were friends during that time, but shortly after my breakup felt like there might be something more.
At that time, he was half way across the country from me. Our relationship had been conducted entirely over the phone and online.
I moved to another state and he asked if I'd like company. I said I would and he bought a greyhound ticket to meet me. Initially, we were just going to have a casual relationship. Roommates with a bit of fun in bed.
Two years later, we married and here we are 10yrs after that.
Perhaps because of how our own relationship started, moving in together doesn't seem all that crazy. Afterall, it worked for us.
We even had something similar to what we're offering C before. The only difference then was that there was no sex involved. My best friend moved in with us for 3yrs. She had not known my husband before that. At the time, I wasn't comfortable with there being more than 2 of us in this relationship, though we had discussed it.
In fact, if it weren't for her leaving us to care for her disabled mother, I think we might be broaching the subject again, if not already there.
If C lived in the same state as us, we probably would simply begin spending more time together and do this gradually. As she's two states away, it would simply be easier to bring her here, give her her own space within the house and go from there. I can see where that might not be the ideal situation.
You're correct that these things would best be handled over time with everyone in their own comfort zones. I don't know that its possible in this situation. Honestly, I don't know that this proposition will even be taken up. C has a year of college left and we all agree that that is very important. Whether she finishes at her current school or transfers to the college here, will be up to her. All of this is up to her.
I'm not 100% that she will do this. Right now, she's struggling to get her boyfriend (whom she currently lives with) to show some kind of interest in saving their relationship. He told her this morning that he doesn't see the problem and therefore, is done talking about it, but she isn't ready to give up yet.
Which is another reason why I said it could be months, if not a year or more before any of this comes to pass. We've got to give her current relationship time to play itself out. G let her know that she's got another option should it not work. If it does, great. C gets what she wants, G gets to keep his friendship with her and
her boyfriend, I get to keep my family where it is with no great upheaval.
If not, and she is open to this, then we've all got to sit down to a long and serious conversation. In person. We'll hash out the details of how we'll make arrangements and all that then.
My question here, wasn't "Is this a good idea?", it was more like, "My husband wants to bring another woman into our relationship and I'm mostly okay with it, up to the point of her possibly getting pregnant. Apparently, that is where my line is. Is this a sign of maybe I'm not as okay with it as I thought?"
Apparently, I should have just said that and saved the backstory as I've made a complete mess of this thread.