I'm coming out of lurking to express a deep concern and a little personal experience.
I dated someone just like this for just over a year a while back.
- He also was constantly all over me - not too much of an issue with my high sex drive.
- He also took a ridiculously long time to finish - over an hour every time and required a lot of stimulation. To put things indelicately, the longer time leads to the woman drying up and increased friction which was the only way he could finish. Uncomfortable/painful for the woman but he didn't seem to care about that.
- He also had a real issue with "no" or "not tonight", viewing it as a personal insult.
- He perhaps differs from your husband in that he was also very much of the opinion that he owned me, he certainly never would've considered poly.
- Eventually, around 3/4 year into our relationship he didn't listen to no, forcibly kept me awake for hours trying every time I started to fall asleep and eventually forcibly inflicted anal on me. Something that I had explicitly refused consent to repeatedly.
You have obviously been with your husband a lot longer and he is by no means the same person but I would urge serious caution with men like this. In my ex-partner's case he developed a very high sex drive very young and had taken up masturbating multiple times a day for years. The drive was natural, the lack of sensitivity was self inflicted, the lack of care for others people's comfort when mixed with this these was a recipe for disaster.
No judgement here, but please, take care and try to consider how you would view your relationship as an outside party. This may not be appropriate but has your new partner expressed any views on your relationship with your husband? He's probably better placed to see it as it is than we will ever be over the internet.