Thanks for digging deep & sharing that stuff with us !
In reading it through the first thing that springs to mind is this thing about "completion". Although I don't know as it connects directly to any particular statement you made I think it may be an important element of the overall picture.
There seems to be this concept, this camp of people (?) from which comes this idea that we become "completed" via someone else. I see it a lot.
It scares me.
1> I believe we can only "complete" ourselves
2> That we're all multi-faceted beings by nature and that the "pieces" we need for that "completion" are going to come from many sources - some inside - some external.
I emphasize again that these are only MY beliefs, formed from a lot of observations of the world around me and a lot of soul searching.
Maybe others believe differently and maybe their "truths" are different.
Now from a practical perspective, and I'm betting you can build your own list, we all have our own set of needs & preferences for our life to feel right to us. Lots of simple things even, preferences in food, activity, intellectual stimulation, sexual stimulation etc. Long list. When these things are going to involve other "people", I guess I don't feel it's realistic to think that we are going to "click" on ALL those items, all those "levels" with one single individual.
And I think putting this concept out on the table and analyzing it helps keep some of these things in their proper perspective. A lot of the "items" that come up that people see a need to "reach out" for - out beyond any particular relationship or connection - are just our uniqueness coming to the surface.
Which if you view it from this perspective, why is it a "threat" ? Can't we be supportive & encouraging of those around us to seek their own "fulfillment" without feeling we're losing THE connection that DOES exist between us ?
For me - it's all in how you look at it.