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Old 05-22-2012, 12:10 PM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 641
Default The turnabout

Seems as if I was too happy too soon. Kind of knew that it couldn't be that easy. My mother is having her meltdown since yesterday evening.

Problems she discovered while thinking about it are mainly about the public image, mine and Sward's as well as the one of the family and with the general poly relationship versus marriage.

Regarding the first issue, we live in a small town. The shooting association is a big factor in our local society and the marksmen's festival is a big event every other year. My parents are 'big shots' around that circle as my father was champion shot two times in a row and they were the center of all public events during those times. What will the people think is what is mainly bugging her right now. And that is really hurtful as I perceive it. She even told me that she would prefer me never talking about it at all and her keeping on pretending that everything is still perfect. Meaning in her words: I wouldn't have a problem as long as you would live far away from here, now I will have it right in my face all the time. Obviously coming across as 'move away and everything will be OK again'. I know that she may need time to process this shock but the way she works through it is damn poor and unfitting. Really hurting right now.

I understand the other issue basically but not the way she explained it. There wouldn't have be a problem if I would have been lesbian. Because I would have had one partner still. How the hell is that connected to the picture perfect family she has in mind when talking about monogamy? Yes, I know, she is irrational right now, but seriously talking about the way it should be, man and woman and then telling me that what I do is more problematic as being lesbian in this context? Come on!

I won't be able to find a job, I won't be able to live a normal life, she will have to defend me even though she thinks that everything is messed up because I am her daughter, why can't I be normal once in my life, why do I have to do everything the wrong way just because I have this messed up volition that only works in my favor, I don't care about her one bit, why did I have to tell her this, now she won't be able to pretend nothing is going on and so on. This will take time. I don't know how long it will take till she found a way to process things and I find a way to overlook these hurtful words. Right now, I won't go to her to talk about it again.
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Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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