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Old 05-21-2012, 11:19 PM
Outthebox Outthebox is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 6
Default Much more to consider

Cleo, those are some good points. I have been working under the premise that we need to work out structure before entering into a triad relationship. I have been seeing Rita for a few weeks recently. Rita and i lived together many years ago when i was in my early 20's. We separated for reasons that had nothing to do with our relationship, it was what i consider a tragic event. She went on with her life and i with mine. About 4 years ago Rita and I had seen each other several times over a month or so time period, it was strictly friends, no sex, no kissing, just rehashing our lives. The Rita stopped seeing me, she tells me now that it was because she was having feelings for me that she was uncomfortable with, being that i was married. If you read my prior post, Rita and I have started seeing each other again a few weeks ago with some complications in that i was not honest with Kathy, the story is in my prior post.
I have since told Kathy how I feel about Rita, that I am in love with her and want her in my life. Kathy has been great about it
I know its the best course of action to take this slow. Rita and Kathy have to meet and they will, probably in a couple of weeks, because we are are traveling over the next week or so. Rita and i are in agreement on that we will not be more than friends to each other at this time. If and when we enter into a poly relationship that is agreeable to all then we could pursue a more intimate loving and sexual relationship. I have to admit, i long for that relationship now and it is difficult to wait. I do understand the importance and necessity of starting a relationship in an honest and respectful manner. Respectful of both Rita and Kathy's feelings. I am seeing that Kathy and I will need to spend a good bit of time with Rita in friendship type relationship. This will allow Kathy and Rita to get to know each other and trust each other. Since both Kathy and Rita know what my ultimate goal is, to be in a poly relationship with both, each being equal, no primary and secondary, I am not sure of how these dynamics will work out during the time Rita and Kathy are getting to know one another. I think Kathy is reserved about commenting on if she would be willing to enter into such a relationship. Rita is much more forthcoming in discussing her expectations and needs, which makes it much easier for me to wrap my head around. I understand Kathy's perspective, I am asking her to drastically change our relationship which she as grown accustom to over the lase decade or so, to bring another woman into our marriage. I know I am asking a lot. I truly believe, knowing both Kathy and Rita, it could be a wonderful relationship for all. I think Rita would bring a lot to our collective relationship and i could see the two of them getting along very well. I think it will improve all of our lives. As you mentioned about your relationship, It seems the natural progression that we enter into this with Kathy being Primary and Rita Secondary initially then working toward changing that to where both were primary. I think Kathy would probably be most comfortable with that. In speaking with Rita, I believe that Rita would only engage such a situation if our relationship were strictly platonic she will not accept being considered secondary, and I would not feel good about that situation either. I can see the practical wisdom of starting out that way until trust and feelings are established. It is something i should discuss with both. Please share with me how your relationship progressed and how you think it may change in the future where you will no longer be primary.
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