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Old 05-21-2012, 09:20 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,564

You are asking people to share what their rules are for open relationships. What I've seen with most poly people, I believe, is having boundaries that are negotiated rather than hard rules. If you are looking for ideas from what other people do in their poly or open relationships, there are already numerous threads on the topic. Have you tried doing a search? It is always a good idea to search and see if your topic has already been addressed. There are probably plenty of good ideas and things to stimulate your conversations and negotiations with your girlfriend for you in these threads:

Alternatives to making "rules"

The Rules/Foundations of Poly

Negotiating Rules

What are your boundaries?

Old rules - giggle with me!

boundaries - when are they ethical, when aren't they

Reasonable Boundaries

These are good blog posts, as food for thought:

As far as your list of rules, I think it is overkill. Every relationship needs its privacy. Don't go asking for permission to snoop, that's just immature. Asking to always come first, the right to tell her to end it, and to have a curfew are also too restrictive. I think you need to start thinking more like an autonomous adult rather than a kid who isn't getting what he wants. It sounds like much much more communication about your feelings and insecurities is needed, rather than setting up rules. All the rules in the world won't help the fears that you have underneath it all.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
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