Thread: Hinge work
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Old 05-21-2012, 09:02 PM
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rory rory is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
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Thanks for all who have posted.

Anneintherain, I so totally agree with you about everything you wrote about guilt. For me there is very rarely any valid reason for guilt (i.e. having done something wrong) and very often it is simply my socialised emotional reaction. Your post about guilt is very good, thank you.

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I really want to write about this topic but it seems life is getting in the way.

I have had bit of a hard time with taking care of my own needs. I've had to learn it, since I used to be very much focused on everybody else being happy. At the start of poly I was quite worried/stressed about that, trying to make sure everybody is satisfied with the situation and feeling happy all the time. It was quite exhausting, since obviously I can't control other people's feelings (and shouldn't even if I could).

I got some good advice here about trying not to worry about everybody else unless they specifically tell you there's something wrong. I have to trust that people will communicate it to me, if there is something important. If they choose not to, it is on them. And if they choose not to, there is absolutely nothing I can do to make them talk or want to talk. I cannot control it. These things are sort of obvious in a way, but I've found it helpful to really believe them. And to accept that I can't make sure everything will be okay for everybody. All I can do is to trust that people will talk if there's a problem and to trust that even if they won't, I will still be okay.
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