Thread: Stepping Out
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Old 05-20-2012, 08:21 PM
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BlackMagicBlonde BlackMagicBlonde is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Default could use some feedback...plus: "make your own family"?? anyone?

oh - more:

there's a gorgeous, petite, short-haired blonde poet and yoga teacher with big dark doe eyes, two beautiful kids, a newish boyfriend in the mix, and a chocolate-&-red-wine sweet singing voice who has been a growing-closer friend of mine for over a year now. she was just prior to divorcing from a 12-yr marriage and i was entering breakup/fallout mode when we met - so we were prime candidates for a fast friendship.

we are just distant enough from each others' daily lives and know very few of each other's families or "involved parties" that we can be unbiased listeners and sounding boards, so that has been really beneficial and therapeutic. by now we feel familiar with each other. last time we were together, we met up at a nearby wine bar/restaurant, and after a couple glasses of wine and a meal, we moved to the bar to listen to the local singer-songwriter doing her thing. conversation moved to areas that we hadn't really delved into previously: dalliances, shadowy relationships, experiences & questions from our past years. sharing these kinds of things with friends who are willing to be just as vulnerable and basically "tell stories" on themselves right along with you has always brought me closer to people - we each feel we trust each other with potentially sensitive information. that evening was no different.

let me put this out there: i've never been sexually attracted to a woman. blown away by a woman's beauty, and/or confidence, or power, or a combo of all the above? sure. bi-amorous? possibly. bisexual? probably not.

so...i'll call her Sprite, because she's TINY - probably 30lbs less and a foot shorter (no exaggeration) than i am. we've had a few glasses of wine and are starting on our second beers. Sprite leans back on me and casually puts an elbow on my leg, letting her weight rest backwards on me while engaged in observing the singer. (we both write and sing, we have that very much in common.) minute or two later, she pulls upright and sips her beer. we share a joke & laugh about something. later, more of the same. her hand rests on my leg, warmly. we leave the bar, and neither of us is done for the night. while we walk to the car, deciding where to go next, she reaches out for my hand and laces her fingers in mine, smiling at me. not trying to be subtle or testing the waters, just an "i'm with you; let's go" type of gesture.

me, i love it. but i'm also nervous. like, what does she think, what does she want, what do i do, what do i want, what do i think, what am i doing?! type of nervous. (LOL, i know. i'm a moron.) so we wind up at a retro-lounge where one of my friends is playing, and she loves it. we have so much fun, dancing and goofing off together. and later she wants to kiss me. i feel like, "why not?!" but i'm so used to kissing a man that i feel i'm rough and a little messy. i've made out with a woman a couple of times, but it was always semi-drunken experimentation. (i'm sure that's what this SOUNDS like at this point.) afterwards, i blubber, "i'm sorry, i really don't know what i'm doing." tell her i feel protective of her but not possessive at all, that she's beautiful, that i love hanging out with her, that it feels great when she gives me those "i'm with you" signals when we spend an evening together.

she basically tells me that she's never been with a woman, but the ways we are connecting that night just feel natural to her with me, and if it freaks me out, we don't need to go there, she just likes hanging with me, period. it can be whatever we want it to be. i think we both end the night really happy and having had fun together. LOL at least i did!

we close the bar down and go to our respective homes. she texts me when she gets home at my request, so i'll know she's home safe.

next day, i tell Z about it. he's known all along we have some kind of little "thing" for each other, and also that i don't particularly feel a sexual attraction to her, but some strong feelings of other sorts, that i really care about her. when i tell him we kissed, i feel him stiffen. he asks who initiated it. (lol - boys.) it was mutual, i say. tell him all about it, and i feel him relax. we laugh about it afterwards, and as far as i can tell at this point, he doesn't feel any threat at the thought of Sprite. now i find myself wondering if he's got threesomes on his mind....

anyway - i had to share that. it was a very cool night.
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