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Old 05-20-2012, 05:43 PM
Outthebox Outthebox is offline
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 6
Default Just getting started

I started a thread in the introductions forum, it gives a general overview of our situation, prior mistakes and where we stand at this time. Briefly, my wife, Kathy and I are married, living together with two almost adult teen children. I had a brief intimate relationship with Rita, and we mutually decided to just be friends at this time, no intimacy or kissing. I want to pursue a poly relationship with both. Rita is open to the idea, Kathy is unsure. I am totally in love with Rita, and I love my wife Kathy. After reading several threads on this forum, I see that many of the relationships involve a primary relationship and a secondary relationship. Should we work it out and become engaged in a triad relationship, Rita will not settle being a secondary, and I agree with her. Kathy will also not agree to being a secondary, and I agree with her. What I want is a co primary relationship. Not necessarily living under the same roof, maybe a compound with two houses on the same property would be ideal in my mind. We really have no financial constraints that would restrain us from having such a compound. Currently my wife an I co mingle finances. I don’t see it necessary to co mingle finances with Rita, although I have no particular hesitancy to do so, unless it creates an issue for Kathy. What I am thinking about co primary relates mainly to time and activities. I can give some examples. I imagine spending equal amount of time with each, maybe alternate nights, one night with Rita, next night with Kathy. We could go on vacations together, or separately, long as I give equal to each.
Sexually, Rita is straight and Kathy is bi. Kathy and I have had some experience with swinging and at one time had a long term sexual relationship with another woman. There was no jealously that I was aware of. Kathy encouraged me to be sexual with our girlfriend, Most of the time Kathy and I and the girlfriend were together sexually. On a couple of occasions, Kathy encouraged me to be with our girlfriend alone, in one case the girlfriend and I went out of town for almost a week. But, this was clearly not a poly relationship, it was strictly sexual. We no longer see the girlfriend sexually, she is married now with a new baby. There were never any hard feeling in this triad, however there was never any real love with the girlfriend, it was just fun and games. I mention this just to give some insight on Kathy and I's relationship. My situation with Rita is different, I am in love with her, Kathy knows this and Is unsure how she feels about it.
Kathy now wants to meet Rita, I think this is a natural progression and how we should proceed after the rocky start we had.
Some time soon, I will need to discuss with Kathy what I want and how I want this relationship to be structured.I have had some discussion with Rita on what I want and how I would like it structured.
What I would like from this forum is information and experiences on poly relationships with two primaries, all on equal ground. Also it will be a very delicate discussion, explaining to Kathy why i want and need Rita in my life. Kathy may ask why she is not enough for me.

Last edited by Outthebox; 05-20-2012 at 06:02 PM.
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