I shared all with Kathy. All in all, she is very understanding, except she did not understand my feeling the need to keep certain aspects of my relationship with Rita secrete. Kathy acknowledged that she was aware that I had been intimate with Rita, but chose not to want to talk about any details, including how many times. Kathy harbors no animosity in this and we are OK.
Kathy now wants to meet Rita. No preconceived ideas of what is to take place.
I did notice in reading this forum, several of the poly relationships seem to be a situation where the spouse is more of a primary, and the other lover seems to be secondary. In other words, the husband and wife spend most of the time together, and spend a day or two a week with the lover. This does not seem to be a fair situation, my vision is to be able to spend near equal time with each alone, but most of the time all 3 of us doing things together, eating dinner, going to movies, out in the boat, traveling, entertaining at home, ectů If this could be worked out, I think I would need to have two homes close to each other or a home large enough to afford privacy. I know my relationships are not at this point now, and may never get there, but I want to understand how this could work.