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Old 05-20-2012, 01:44 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,864

Like some of the others I do find it interesting to read about a culture that treats marriage and sex differently in a way that makes sense and works for many. However, for me personally, this wouldn't work very well and I would not choose it for myself (just as I didn't choose to follow the marriage customs of our culture - we forged our own).

If I didn't have my boys I could see living as a solo poly like NYCindie. I think that I would like to have a few men and women that would come over and see me on a regular or irregular basis and then go back to their homes/lives/families. It was never my intention to "find" people to live with - that happened magically on its own (exactly twice - 19 years apart) so I don't think that I would go "looking" for that again. (Even though I love my situation - that is with these two boys that I couldn't help falling in love with, that work so well together.)

I would much prefer to be able to create a "chosen family" of lovers and friends than be expected to live with people that were family by accident of biology. (Don't get me wrong, I love my family, they are some of the most intelligent interesting people I know - but one week once a year living together is about as much as I can take.)


In terms of children - lots of poly people have kids, some have kids from previous relationships, some have kids with their primary partner(s) only, and some have kids "amongst the poly family." The decision to bring a new person into the world is a major one so it is not surprising that people give it a lot of thought and take precautions to avoid it happening unintentionally. So there is a fair amount of talk about avoiding pregnancies with "secondary" partners - which may be where you get this impression.

You may also get the impression that poly people don't decide to have kids because in these boards alot of the posts have to do with people who are new to poly and struggling - THAT is not a time to add a pregnancy into the mix. So you may not see the older stable poly families posting much about it because they are busy living their happy poly lives and raising their children.

There was a recent poster talking about what happened when they moved their poly family from a poly-friendly neighborhood to one that was more judgemental. (I will try to find the thread - unless someone else remembers it.) You may want to check out the blogs of some of the established polyfolk here - I know Phy has written about their plans to start a family in her blog. And I have shared my story in this thread:

There are others that came to decide to be in a poly relationship later in life - after they had already raised one set of kids and aren't looking to parent again, or are past their childbearing years.

I only subscribed to Loving More magazine for one year but one of the four issues was ENTIRELY devoted to "Polyamorous Families and Parenting" (issue #37 if anyone wants one).
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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