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Old 05-20-2012, 12:08 AM
newpoly1stwife newpoly1stwife is offline
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 11
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Thank you Kevin.
He is home now and we have been talking a lot. I explained that while polyamory is still what I feel is right for us, right now is not the time. I voiced my concerns that we need to work on us and the other relationship needs to at least be put on hiatus, and I can not agree to any more overnights at this time. He is receptive and we have done a lot of us time and work. We laid out some new house rules and relationship rules. He addressed concerns he had about me that I was unaware of and vice versa. It was painful although not nearly as painful as the past 2 nights had been for me. Neither of us have spoken with the gf at this time, she did send me a text which ended with her asking for us to be friends. I have yet to respond as I have to many emotions and might just say the wrong thing LOL.

That being said I am very glad I found this site, I have found it welcoming, educational, and even though my situation is dysfunctional I have not been made to feel bad for my choices in any area. I want to thank you all for that. Once the garden him and I both let go has been weeded and is fruitful again we may revisit our feelings and change it to an active poly relationship, right now we agree to leave it as a dormant poly relationship, with no more affairs. Its a start and every story has to have one


Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Hi Jenn,

Although it's a little late for me to say it, can I just offer you my welcome to the forum.

Re (from Post #1):


It sounds like he has gotten rather comfortable with the "cheating model" of conducting a relationship, and he may not take well to the idea that he needs to not have any outside relationships for awhile while he does some mending of fences with you. However, I do agree with the others that he needs to concentrate on his relationship with you for awhile, not be off having fun with some other woman.

I'd say different if he'd already been conscientious and his relationship with you was good and on solid ground. But if you are feeling like you have no say-so in anything he does, that's a sign (to me) that he's been, well, neglecting you.

I'd still get that couple's counseling if I were you, as long as he's willing to do it. You and he should try to get to the bottom of what has been fueling his pattern of affairs. Is there something about you that he's not happy with? If so, he should put that on the table.

I think your attitude is amazing and patient, and he's lucky to have you. Keep researching on poly, and stick to your guns when it comes to asking for reasonable boundaries. You deserve to be treated like your feelings matter.

I'm glad you're with us here on Polyamory.com. I hope we can be of some help to you along the way.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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