i've been lurking on this thread for days now, but haven't really had time to respond. I'm sorry I haven't had the time to read all the other posts, so if i'm repeating something from another post I apologize.
a little background. I've been married 14 years. the first 7 were monogamous, then we were pretty hard core swingers for a while took a year or two to reexamine that portion of our lives, and now I find myself 6 months into a relationship with a very busy single dad, who doesn't have time for a real relationship.
he doesn't really have a title in my life, but I will say that he is very important to me.
I'm in no way the secondary or mono in the relationship, but I will add my two cents.
What I've been trying to say for days now, is that my biggest fear when I started this second relationship was that at some point he would decide that he was ready for a "real" relationship, and that some new woman would enter the picture and edge me out.
He and I enjoy what little time we have to spend with each other, but are both frustrated with how little time there seems to be in a week.
what seems to be happening is what was once our little "v" is turning into more of a zig zag.
basically he reassured me that even if he took on another relationship (which he has) that she would have to be okay with me being in his life.
so to answer the question (or what i saw as the question) I think as long as your needs are being met the label shouldn't matter. I think what matters if if your needs aren't being met, and your partner(s) don't care or aren't doing anything about it.