I have had a conversation (of sorts) with MrS. I am still agitated. It is now a few (3?) days later and I feel like I haven't settled anything with Dude. Explanations seem lacking. I tell MrS I think I have to talk to Dude. MrS calls Dude (I don't like to talk on the phone – this is worse when I am anxious) and asks if he is available for me to come over and talk for a bit, he is. I drive to Dude's place, we chat a bit and have a beer. I try to talk. I try to interpret. I try to explain...I don't think I am able to convey anything of import. (Apparently I don't know how to “really” talk to anyone but MrS – and even that isn't a given all of the time). I go home.
Over the next few weeks – MrS and I occasionally talk about it in snips and tidbits but no new insights are forthcoming. I talk to Dude once or twice on the phone (privately but with MrS's knowledge) but I don't have any more information for him. He was clear with the MMMNM rule but once MrS clarified that that was my boundary and not his … What does a “no boys” rule really mean – when clearly there is some level of interaction that MrS is fine with? “Don't be a jackass” is really too vague to be useful when it comes down to details.
We are still all hanging out as friends and getting along fine together but Dude tells me he feels awkward not knowing exactly what might make MrS uncomfortable with regard to our behavior. Dude asks if I am ok with him talking to MrS - with some apprehension, I agree. Dude tries (I am not present for this conversation) but MrS is unable to clarify any further at this point (I think that he honestly just doesn't know where his boundaries are here and is unhappy having to think about it too much). Finally, Dude comes up with his own “rule” - nothing but “hugs and backrubs” until he hears differently directly from MrS. MrS doesn't object to this interpretation.
Things settle down, tension decreases. Dude meets CrazyGirl through an online dating site and they start dating/sleeping together. We meet her. We all hang out. They meet our other friends.
Life keeps going but, to me (internally), it feels like “waiting.”
[The REAL jackassery part comes soon - I am struggling with how to tell/convey it...I've actually composed several of the subsequent posts - it is like I'm "sneaking up" on the meat of the story from both sides.]
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (5+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic girlfriend and BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.
My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 05-19-2012 at 05:39 PM.