thanks for being so considerate
and you're right, my brain is different. I find irrational emotions distressing. sadly, we all have them... even me! I was never shown how to use my rational mind to handle situations that other people intuit their way through, so I'm actually a late bloomer but at this point in my life I'm quite happy. I'm blunt and sometimes speak without thinking but I'm also honest and kind, and I feel that if someone can't accept those qualities as a package then I have no room for them in my life because I'm not going to change into someone else.
as far as the default list of do's, don'ts and warnings, I have found this site extremely helpful as I came here in a great deal of distress over my situation and I don't really have anything fresh to add. I can just say that I feel that one of the most important things to do, as is so often pointed out, is to communicate and to keep on communicating. I don't think I can ever assume the status quo is "it" and we'll all live happily ever after. life is dynamic and fluid (which I really hate sometimes) and it stands to reason that our relationships will be as well as we change and grow and familial needs change.
ok, maybe one thing I can add although I'm sure it's been discussed many times... never share details about sex that would make your wife feel inadequate. I say this because I'm multiorgasmic and my lover told his wife, which elicited a remark from her about having to "work for it" that I feel could have sprung from feeling like she was being compared. I was annoyed at my lover and told him to never say things like that to his wife again. when I was married I hated sex, my ex was an oaf in bed and constantly hurt me, so I feel like I paid my dues and now I finally get to have all the fun I missed, PLUS it involved a lot of mental exercise after I was divorced to go from having a handful of orgasms with my FWB (who has been my only lover until recently) to having dozens. I didn't just get lucky. I wasn't born like this, and I sure don't want anyone resenting me for it, especially the woman my lover is married to.