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Old 05-18-2012, 06:07 PM
wannamakeitwork wannamakeitwork is offline
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 6
Default New But Wanting to Make It Work

Hi all,

I've been reading some of the threads on the forum and they usually really help with my doubts and questions, but for once I felt I should share my own experience.

I have been with my partner for two years now (give or take a short break due to our own doubts about opening up the relationship). This year he broke up with me as he wanted to be poly and I had my doubts. A couple of weeks later I asked him if he would still like for us to do it together and about a month later we were back together, now in a polyamorous relationship. He had not explained to me fully at the time that he was now seeing someone who he had a very strong connection, but even that has become an acknowledged and welcomed fact with me. I have known her before and we get along very well, as we are very similar people.

However, due to the pressure of the demands of two intense lovers, my partner decided he needed some space - a week now. He says he does not want to break up with me or her, but I certainly feel very left behind. His low levels of affection are starting to get to me, specially as I feel like the disengagement is not as much towards his new lover.

I am worried he does not actually have what it takes (time, patience, emotional stability, energy, etc) to make this work. His lover and I have discussed what we want out of life and out of him and our wishes are not contradictory. I want to live in with my partner, eventually in the future think of children, grow old together, all that (something he has initially expressed to want to do too). She is happy not to live with him and she does not want children. She is also OK with spending less time with him (imagine something like he'd spend 3 days with her and 4 with me, or whatever), which I am also happy about. I don't know how I'd feel about less time than that (and certainly less time than with other lovers) but that has to do with my own needs and wants out of the relationship rather than jealousy.

So is this him (and us all) just getting used to things? How long does the accommodation period last? When do you know if it isn't working?

I want to know where I stand so I can also explain to my own lovers and dates how it rolls, how much time I have available, etc.

If someone has any ideas, please let me know!
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