Originally Posted by newpoly1stwife
We have done counseling a few times over the years but never made it past 3 sessions as he always says they just tell him its all his fault and I do nothing wrong. Although that has never really happened.
If he is hearing this and the therapist isn't saying it, then it's his own internal voice that is telling him this.
If he is cheating on you by having a relationship with someone that you know nothing about and haven't agreed to then in my opinion is IT all his actions which are to blame for the cheating. Now, he may have reasons to cheat - a rough relationship, etc - but his decision to do something outside of your relationship agreement is 100% his - nobody forced him into it. I have no patience for the line "I had no choice but to cheat" - that's utter crap.
If you and he have issues in your relationship, and it really sounds like you do, then this is the absolute worst time to be exploring poly. If, in addition, he has a cowgirl chasing him down, then all that's going to do is make your and his relationship even more strained and more difficult to get back on track... it's sounding like this is already happening - it's not in her interests to make this work - she wants him for herself (assuming she really is a cowgirl, that is).
For me, an important part of poly is that each person have a great deal of respect for the other relationships in the configuration. It can't work if that isn't there.
It sounds like thing are completely out of control in your life and relationship, and it really urgently needs to be brought back under control before you can start complicating it with others.