I had a feeling he was cheating a few weeks ago, but then thought it was my insecurity and stress (I was just finishing a hard semester in my career program) After we discussed it and decided it was something we wanted to explore I asked so whats your girlfriends name, and it was the one I thought he was cheating with a few weeks ago. The kids think he is on a photoshoot out of town, he is a photographer. If they think anything different they have not said and thats one thing I can count on with them is they tell me just about everything, especially our 10 yo. Honestly we havent discussed it with them as everything moved so quickly.
The more I have been researching I think what she presented to him as poly is different from what is the case and thats why she is being so resistent with meeting and setting boundaries. Her attitude yesterday was been the only changes can be in her favor.
I know it seems like I am defending him and blaming her solely, I am not he is at fault too, he could have chose to answer his phone when I called. He could have chose to discuss this with me even when it made her mad. He could have chosen to not have an affair. We are actually all at fault, I should have researched more as well because what I had believed was poly is different as well, however the honesty and communication of all involved was not. I should not have agreed to things I was not completely comfortable with, while I was trying to make them happy.
I do want an open poly, but I also know right now is not the right time and this woman is not the right woman. I plan on sticking around the board and learning more as there were many excellent relationship suggestions from people who have lived it, not just some person who has never been married who has written some rules and had a good publisher.