Originally Posted by newtoday
It's probably why others refrained from comment because they know that they are in this only because they love and are committed to the person they are with, and they will do their best to make things work for all involved. But if circumstances change and they are forced (by their own hand or the couples) to leave, given the choice to do this again in the future, they'd most likely opt out.
At the risk of raising the hackles of BaB (*kiss*) this paragraph is why I was/am very vocal about being understanding, and loving, if she needed to make another choice for her best interest.
She, of course, sees those statements as a sign that she's ancillary to my continued happiness — easily disposable. Which, of course, is not accurate. I just don't feel comfortable exerting any sort of undue pressure or influence over someone's individual choices — particularly when I stand to directly benefit.
The fact is that until this situation arose, I always considered myself mono. This thing has made me reconsider if I'm mono because I'm wired that way or if I'm mono because society says that I'm supposed to be mono.
I think what I've taken away in the last few weeks is that I'm "wired for poly" in as much as I accept it, understand it, am capable of feeling love for two people without diminishing returns, but that I don't require
it for my continued happiness. My mono life wasn't deficient in the area of "love" or emotional fulfillment. Edit: Note, that this is how I am. I'm not suggesting this is the norm or default for everyone, nor should it be.
If circumstances fall into place, I would be perfectly content, and very much expect to settle into a mono life again with BaB at some point in the future. For me intellectually this is talking to people who have lived on the mountain — even if all you intend to do is get to the top and look around, and then head back down.