Originally Posted by blytheandbonny
Thinking about how this works in a successful and mutually fulfilling mono/poly sitch. Perhaps the mono cognitively grasps the poly's perspective and just lets go and has faith?
A highly interesting choice of words....
My mono partner and I spent many long nights trying to explain to each other the feelings and mental processes that we were each feeling. While we each understood the other in our heads, our hearts were screaming "yes, but..! Yes, but..!"
one example is a story I have told on here a few times before - I was doing my once-a-month 4 hour drive to see my oso - obviously I was bored, and liked to talk to each of them on the phone during the drive. One one occasiona, I was halfway into the drive and I mentioned to my partner that I live with that I missed her... there followed a cold silence, followed by a very terse "if you missed me, you wouldn't going to see her, you'd be staying at home with me." (or words to that effect). In spite of all the talking, what I was doing (leaving her) was inconsistent with what I was telling her (that I missed her), whereas to me there was no clash there at all - it made perfect sense.
And, after many attempts to attempt to "get" the other person on a gut level, we realised that it was quite futile - we were just wired differently for love. And we realised that we had to have faith in the other (and yes, "faith" was the word we used!). it may not compute for you, but your partner isn't lying to you, isn't telling you garbage just to sleep with you,etc.
That was a major break-through for us. I won't say that the talking stopped - we still need to do the "tune-ups" once in a while to make sure that the faith is well-established, but it certainly changed how we talked with each other.