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Old 05-17-2012, 04:58 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,443

Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post

Funny the parent child analogy was used by my wife until I pointed that her sister was the agreed upon favorite and I have a much closer relationship with my parents than my sister...bordering on excommunication. And lots of parents and children disown each other and the same with siblings.

I think the op was suggesting that from a self worth point of view that equality and symmetry could be vital components to her happiness and comfort.
Yes, I have a bad relationship with my parents so I know it happens. But usually with that kind of love, people don't question that it can be shared with more than one person. Does not mean it's always the case, mind you.

As I said, what matters is how people in the relationship feel about it. I didn't get that it was a problem in itself from the OP, just that blytheandbonny was worried it should be a problem. These are the quotes I'm basing this impression on:

If all of my emotional, mental, and physical nourishment needs are being met in the relationship as it stands right now in this moment in time, does the SO's relationship with anyone else (primary or otherwise) make what I have/get less? I'm still winning, yes?


On the other, do I need to consider that despite how close we get in this hypothetical future, will I always be content to be a "secondary" as long as my needs are met? I mean, that's a possibility, right?


And, again, if needs are being met, what does being "secondary" even mean in the big picture?
What I read here is "my needs are being met. So it's okay, right?" and "It's possible that it will stay that way, right?" as in "I'm a bit incredulous that I don't feel taken advantage of here. It seems (from friends, society, whatever) that I should. Is the other shoe going to drop?"

But the feelings of "wait, shouldn't I feel bad about it? Am I going to regret it later?" are pretty common in polyamory when you start out. In my experience at least. I don't think it means the OP feels a need for symmetry. Only that they're curious about why they don't, and want to check if there are others in the same case.

I would very much like to know what the OP has to say about it, if I got it right or not.
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