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Old 05-17-2012, 10:21 AM
Tea4three Tea4three is offline
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 11

Thank you both, that is very helpful.

I don't really worry about him leaving me, although when he had previously cheated I did feel like he was lining up my replacement, but I am assured now that isn't the case, and becoming poly has been more about finding parameters within which we can continue to be happy in our relationship (oddly he had suggested we could try monogamy again until things were better between us, but it was the Relate counsellor that pointed out that it was futile to rebuild our relationship on rules that neither of us really wanted.) I also know that GF would not want a primary relationship with him, he drives her nuts!

I do have a sort of competitive urge though, like I feel I have to be "better" at a relationship than her because of my primary status. I suppose I should try to place more value on the fact that I am bearing and raising his children and less on how often we have kinky sex. I think he does, but because we have had issues with our sex life, it feels like the deficiency there dominates.

I had another wobble last night which was mostly boundaries/scheduling related. She is staying with us for a few days and hb had been joking about how he was picking up my gf for me and how nice that was of him. He suggested that as he wanted to take her out on the town on Thursday, Wednesday was "my" night, but I went out to my evening class and got in to find clues that they had been up to stuff, which meant she wasn't up for sex with me. I kind of had plans, but tbh I would have been OK with ditching them if she hadn't been up for it, and just having her in my bed for the night, but she decided to sleep alone. I'm not really sure how I should be feeling about that, but I was annoyed with hb for not holding back after *he* suggested that it was my night with her. I was only out for 2 hours, and he would have spent at least an hour of that putting our son to bed, so why have a great rush to have sex with her after making such a fuss about making it my evening with her. And we had been talking about how she was worried about being overstretched between the 2 of us, and perhaps he should hold back a touch for both our sakes. But then, she could have just chosen him over me that night, or whatever, I don't know, and I should be OK with that.

Part of me thinks he is being thoughtless and selfish and disrespectful, part of me thinks I need to chill the fuck out, and part me me is just sad because I was looking forward to some one to one time with GF for about a week, and we ended up just sat on the sofa with the 3 of us chatting and me trying not to be cross. Just a cuddle and a chat on my own with her would have been nice, but I didn't really feel like pointing that out and asking him to make himself scarce. Then I went to bed, and he came to join me and I was just thinking "I don't want you here tonight, bugger off". Arggh.
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