Thread: "Just friends"
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Old 05-17-2012, 01:28 AM
Jericka Jericka is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: California
Posts: 50
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Maybe communication styles are causing part of the problem?

I tend to dislike phone call, but love texts, emails, instant messages, sending and receiving links to interesting things, etc.

My Love and I communicate in much the same fashion. He and I text or instant message all the time, but, don't do phone calls except extreeeeeemely rarely. I have been seeing him for over a year and we have talked on the phone maybe twice. His wife and I communicate a bit less often, but always In text form, and never phone calls. I get to see him in person about once or twice,a week, and I get some weekends. This works, really well, for us. It might be nice if I were closer and could se him even more often, but this functions and functions well.

I also have a friend with benefits. This relationship is currently being worked on or possibly evaluated to see if it is going to live on in it's current form or not. He likes phone conversations better than text ones, but they still tend to be short and more about arranging a meet....and his texts tend to be closed ended, and don't invite further conversation. I find him much harder to connect with. The harder to connect thing is a problem, for me, because I tend to get more attracted the more I connect...and I get less interested if I don't feel a connection. I can try to start something physical and usually get more into it as I go? But....is that really what I want? How hard should I work at this relationship?

I know the slow fade is a nearly unanimously hated thing, but, we talk past each other when we talk about the communication thing. I have said I need more contact, more daily stuff, but what I get is a flattering good night text that is nice? I suppose? But doesn't really invite a conversation, and the conversation is what I really need. I have also noticed and brought up the fact that our assumptions are so very different that we should absolutely not assume we understand. It's hard to clarify that, but, it's hard not to make a few assumptions once in a while and we are nearly always spectacularly wrong when we do. Really amazingly wrong to the point where I am always coming back to a couple of instances where he or I assumed something, and the result was painful.

And writing that makes me think that it really is over and I just haven't faced it yet. Ick.
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