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Old 05-16-2012, 08:29 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
Perhaps not a zero sum game but people here say all the time they love one partner more than another. There is a thread on this very page in which the poster has said that many times. In that case its known and relationship between secondaries (for lack of a better word) no problem.
Maybe it's just me, then, but a couple of comments on this point from my personal perspective...

First, I find that I can't quantify the amount of love I feel for a person. Being unable to do that, it's very hard for me to do any sort of comparison of whether I love one person more than another.

Second, my point wasn't really about comparing. I was trying to say that just because I start loving a new person it doesn't automatically follow for me that I love my existing partners any less. I don't have a fixed amount of love to go around that gets "shared" and therefore I don't have to negotiate (with others or in my own mind) how much I give to each. I think that many poly folk feel this same way, based on folks' forum posts. That is why one of the symbols for poly is a heart with an infinity sign over the top.

Each of my loving relationships is unique and comparing them is not an exercise I find useful, because I don't find that it serves any positive purpose.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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