Originally Posted by dingedheart
Perhaps not a zero sum game but people here say all the time they love one partner more than another. There is a thread on this very page in which the poster has said that many times. In that case its known and relationship between secondaries (for lack of a better word)...so no problem.
Maybe it's just me, then, but a couple of comments on this point from my personal perspective...
First, I find that I can't quantify the amount of love I feel for a person. Being unable to do that, it's very hard for me to do any sort of comparison of whether I love one person more than another.
Second, my point wasn't really about comparing. I was trying to say that just because I start loving a new person it doesn't automatically follow for me that I love my existing partners any less. I don't have a fixed amount of love to go around that gets "shared" and therefore I don't have to negotiate (with others or in my own mind) how much I give to each. I think that many poly folk feel this same way, based on folks' forum posts. That is why one of the symbols for poly is a heart with an infinity sign over the top.
Each of my loving relationships is unique and comparing them is not an exercise I find useful, because I don't find that it serves any positive purpose.