Thank you for your wisdom, and an update!
First, I love you all. Thank you for such thoughtful responses. Admittedly, I don't do the "what do I do?!?!?" posts in forums often (ever...) and this was a great first experience. Thank you for the honest advice!
Jayne - love your approach (first letting things settle!) and I agree that that sequence of communication is critical!
km - excellent points. swing/poly have a wavy line between them, but I agree with the contrast (i.e. sex vs. sex and feelings). good question on "crush" - I haven't quite decided which end of the spectrum I'm on with this guy yet - I think answering for myself (honestly) if it's purely physical or emotional as well is key.
redpepper - GOOD call. talk about AWKWARD if it doesn't all go as dreamed.
hotpepper - yup, I hear ya. the probability for drama is high.
emm (& readytofly) - that sounded so callous of me. thank you for reminding me of my tone - I certainly didn't intend to play with people for my personal development, and I appreciate your pointing out how that sounded. and that with poly, there is no "practicing". This is real life, real people (including me!) and my intention is certainly never to "practice" with a human being. thank you.
ready2fly - 100% in agreement. if my hubby's not in, WE are not ready. And while I do agree with the disaster potential everyone (including I) acknowledge, I agree that there's at least a subconscious attraction between EVERYONE in this situation. We all DEFINITELY love each other in a very conscious way, and have a boatload of fun together. But regardless, to maintain that love and friendship, I need to clearly assess the situation before making moves that could be detrimental.
Okay, my specific responses aside, here's the update:
After all of your advice, I decided to do NOTHING. And just wait. Play things by ear. I realized that I wasn't 100% clear if my "crush" was merely a proximity thing (sorry, but I love handsome, funny men and the longer they're around me the more I want 'em!) or a love thing (I am 100% in love with my hubby, love and am moderately attracted to the Mrs., and I have a definite desire for the Mr. and love as a friend, but it might just end there...). While I have a very close relationship with my hubby and would have no problem (okay, a little apprehension, but certainly not fear) talking to him about it, I decided that I'd wait until *I* was clear about my feelings in the matter.
That all decided - keep closed lips and an open ear to my heart and see how I really feel - the FUNNIEST things have happened. Mr. several times confessed his attraction for me, in group setting, and similarly Mrs. has twice alluded to or directly proposed a swap. Timing and circumstance prohibited immediate action (dang!), but it certainly indicated some openness and attraction on both of their behalves.
Still, I'm holding tight. Let things play out a bit and see how life takes us. At worst, we have a fun friendship enjoying a million adventures with bonus nude suntanning and skinny-dipping in remote hot springs (I SO love this friendship). At best, things go further. But they're so fun now, and progressing so interestingly, that I think the whole situation will pan out just right, without me having to orchestrate from the center. My pace seems faster than the rest of the gang, but I do think we're on the same race track. Clearly, I'm the flexible one of the group, so really I need to defer to the most constrained one(s) involved, and let them set pace and direction. I'm happy with anything, including everything just as it is.
There's that frantic phase of a crush that develops about 30 seconds after admitting to myself it's a "crush" indeed, and thank heavens all of you were there to put the brakes on the need to do SOMETHING during that heart-racing time. Whew! Thanks, everyone.