I saw the title of this thread in "New Posts" and thought "I've got to go there!" Unfortunately, I was running late and left that last message partly as a tactic to bookmark this thread.
Several thoughts occur:
a) The first is a bit of a side issue: CielDuMatin
, your title [which - as I wrote - has a hook that pulled me in] is hesitant, almost apologetic ["Is it just me"] and after 2 replies by one person, Mya
, you write
Originally Posted by CielDuMatin
Like I said, it's probably me, and I'm probably way off-base. Based on your response, and the lack of response from anyone else, it's more than likely just me...
Come on! Lack of response? You wrote this less than 3 hours after that opening post. Give us some time! Some of us aren't hooked up 24/7 to the Internet, much less to this board. (This jab at you comes with a big dose of affection
.) By now you'll have seen that several of us are interested in discussing this topic.
b) I can't, for myself, consider getting into a "sex with no chance of emotion" relationship. As NYCindie
has pointed out, this does not adamantly rule out one-night stands, but there's got to be some love going on, even if you're never going to see that person again. And - for me - I always hope that it might
develop into something longer. I don't condemn swinging, but I know that it's not for me.
c) I don't know if the trend is increasing. Due to restricted access to internet, I've been absent from the board - aside from quick peeks - for some time. But I've noticed right from the beginning that some people's interest seems mainly in sex. In some cases perhaps exclusively. I'm glad to see that a moderator's response to your suggestion of a post "We have been monogamous all our lives. My boyfriend and I really want to have a threesome with another female. We have both agreed that neither of us will develop anything beyond the sexual stuff with her. how do we go about finding a suitable person?"
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone
Has that popped up and I missed it?
I can say I'd rule that one off topic and delete it.
Please flag posts like that.
I've seen posts with titles like "Kansas Couple Looking For Another Female For A Threesome". (Don't search this title
, I wrote "titles like
".) To me that reads more like something out of a contact mag, but perhaps I'm prejudging, because [see point f)].
d) Although the support I look for, the support I'm interested in offering, in short: my main interest in this board, are the emotional aspects (and the practical aspects of emotional issues) of polyamory, there are also sexual aspects that people need to deal with.
e) There are some - as Mya
was the first on this thread to point out - who mix a bit of swinging with a bit of poly (and for me the two ARE definitely different). Since they don't shut out the potential of emotional involvement - and I would go even further and say "even if they consciously shut out that potential in limited cases
, but are basically poly" - they are part of this community and if they need to talk about issues to do with the loveless-sex aspects of their whole poly-friendly existence, I think that's fair enough. Perhaps they should label this clearly, so that the rest of us know right from the start of a thread.
f) Arising from c) and e), I open up new posts that look like they have interest for ME. I sometimes open up friends' profiles -> statistics to see which threads people whom I find interesting have been commenting on recently. I may open up a post like the Kansas Couple one, but purely as a voyeur
[I don't live in Kansas and I'm not a female
]. In short, there's plenty on offer on this board for all interests.
I'd hate for the board to be swamped
with sex, and I can share CDM
's worries. If there IS a trend towards sex at the cost of emotion, we should address that. And for that, I thank you again for opening the topic.